It's 12:30 am and I should be asleep, like everyone else in my house is. But, I cant. And so here I sit. Blogging. Maybe I shouldn't since I am an overly emotional pregnant person.
One week ago (last Sunday) I spent the day nauseated and sick and throwing up, I only made it to about 20 mins of church before I headed home. And sadly for me, I didnt even make it home before I threw up (alot) the next few days weren't much better, I was tired and just felt like junk. And on Thursday morning after repeatedly throwing up in the shower, I needed to explore farther. Which led me to retake a pregnancy test which just a few weeks ago said, "not pregnant" It was positive, yay!!
I feel overwhelmingly grateful for the chance to have another baby. Really. I do. This #3 has taken us a lot longer than the other 2 did, so I almost felt like it was too good to be true when stick said "pregnant" this time. I have been waiting for this. But yet... nothing but tears. I cannot stop crying, even now as I type, my eyes are so swollen I can hardly see what I am typing. This part is the hard part for me. And I forgot just how hard it is. I get so sick when I am pregnant, all day, every day for weeks on end. And it is so hard. I have only in fact left the house 1 time since I found out I was pregnant, to attend a baby shower I was throwing and have been working on for a long time. (which by the way was probably the best thing I could of done, taken a break from my hibernation) Other than that, I have been in the house. In my sweats, feeling awful. I haven't kept anything down and no matter how much I sleep, I cannot get enough energy to even want to blow-dry my hair.
I know that I am so so so happy to have this baby, and to add to our family. And I love new babies. Love them. So don't think by reading this post that I am not happy about this. I really am, its an answer to prayers. This baby is already loved. I just have realized this time is going to be the same as the rough pregnancies before. When I was pregnant with Adyson, I had no one else to care for, I could drowned in my misery. And I did. Then when I got pregnant with Max, I had Ady to care for but she was only just turning 1. So, we could be home and sick and it was ok. No dance, no preschool, no reason to have to be anywhere. I remember she would follow me into the bathroom to throw up and pretend she was throwing up to. Then I would lay her on my chest and turn on Baby Einsteins and just be home. All day... all week until I felt better. So, I am just scared this time, that I have more responsibilities, and feeling guilty at the prospect of all the fun things my kids are going to miss doing with me cuz I dont feel well enough to do anything right now. Literally, I didn't even come out of my room today until almost evening except for once to get a drink.
I am not really sure why I am writing this. Except that this blog is a sort of journal for our family. And I actually now feel a little guilty for complaining at all. I know there are a lot of people who have a very hard time getting pregnant, and some who cannot at all. And I don't want anyone like that to think that I am not grateful that I can get pregnant and I do have healthy babies. I know that is such an amazing blessing. I just wanted to be honest about how I felt right now. A little scared about how I am going to handle the pregnancy this time around and incredibly emotional for no good reason. I really could fill a well with the amount of sobbing I have done on my bathroom floor this weekend.
But at least I'm 8 weeks down... 32 to go. (hopefully only 30, if all goes to plan).... great now I'm crying again, that's forever.
23 comments:
being pregnant is so hard, but so worth it huh. sorry you feel so awful :( and emotional. Dont feel guilty about staying at home. just enjoy the time snuggling with your babies, and its almost winter anyway. congrats again on baby number 3. So excited for you.
Hailey-even though I only know you as a "blogging friend", I've loved being with you on this journey- and I know how much you wanted this baby all along. Don't worry about complaining- you're not- your honesty is refreshing and very, very human. You seem to be an amazing mom, and you (and your adorable family) will get through this. Take care of yourself! Everything will be ok. :)
Hailey, seriously, you know we're always looking for things to do, if it would help at all I could bring my kids down to play with yours...and you could lounge or rest or whatever and not worry about your kids for a bit....let me know!
Oh Hailey! I'm so sorry you're so sick! I always tell myself that "there is a time and a season"...and for a little season you are going to be housebound and bed-headed and pajama-worn and that's SO okay! Thankfully it's winter and a cozy season anyway. Your kids will not remember that for 7 months they wore pj's, watched a lot of t.v. and movies and cuddled with a sick mommy in a not-so-clean house and if they do remember, it will be with fondness!
Remember to accept help too. Let people bring you meals or take your kids for a while and don't feel guilty. It's your season to be the one in need! And just think of the gift you'll receive at the end of it all!
Hang in there. There is nothing worse I was in your same boat this time around. I only started blowdrying my hair about 6 weeks ago and that only happend once a week if I was lucky,and here I am going to have this baby today! Your babies won't remember what they didn't get to do (at least mine have never uttered a word of things we didn't make it to that they knew about) Next thing you know that baby will be here and you will forget about how sick you were and want to do it again!
Man, I feel for ya sister. On my last pregnancy with #4, I told Dave that I didn't know if I had another pregnancy left in me. It was SO HARD! I am still contemplating that, though I'm sure we'll end up having at least 1 more.
But remember - as I know you already know - that the gift of the sibling is the best and most fun thing you can give Addy and Max.
Hands. Down.
Prayers for you, dear cousin!
Oh Hailey that freaking sucks! Obviously I don't know how it feels because I've never been pregnant, but I HATE barfing and I HATE feeling like I want to barf. Worst feeling ever. You are such a good mommy and you aren't going to miss anything fun with your kids, I'm sure of it. Oh my gosh you can have a barf party for real now!!
I'm glad you have Eric because he's super sweet and he will take good care of you.
I can't wait to meet Kandell baby number 3!!! You better keep us posted on your progress even the puking part of it. LOVE YOU!
I hope you don't mind a "blogger friend" commenting...;)
First, congratulations!
I have 5 children ( and 4 angels) and can you believe I actually wish I could still get pregnant? I even had to give myself injections everyday for 9 months with my last and final pregnancy. What we as women go through!
Second,I think all of us as women, who have been pregnant and dealt with those first rough weeks can relate. It seems like weeks 8-12 are the worst.
Just do what you can. It seems like you have a wonderful support system around you. Use them these next few weeks. Don't feel guilty for doing so.
You will be back into the swing of things in no time. Just give yourself this time. You are allowed to feel overwhelmed, sad, happy, scared, etc.
Try chewing gum or sucking on pepperming candies for the nauseousness.The smell of lemon/citrus seems to help as well.
Hang in there!
CONGRATS!!! I love to check in with you ever so often and see what's up. I love to read posts with good news! I remember all the throwing up and feeling like I'd been hit by a dump truck while pregnant too. I wouldn't feel guilty at all if I were you for lounging around or being a little scared about this pregnancy. I think you are just normal and it makes me feel better to know there are others out there who go through things like this too. Congrats and good luck. I am happy for you and your little fam!
P.S. I read your post about maui babysitters. I bet you have probably found the ones you need, but if not, I could come and help out. It would be me and my side- kick however... Lucy who is 19 mo. old. I'm an RN and I think you know first hand my experience with taking care of kids! Soooona, sooona , sooooona, smack, and plastic bags should bring back some memories! Ah, what great times!
Marie
Ugh - that is the worst - being super sick AND emotional. I honestly don't know how you do it as well as you do. I'm so sorry your pregnancies aren't easy. I have no advice to give other than eat a ton when you actually do feel hungry and just let the tears flow - it's cleansing to cry and you have every excuse to do it. The good times will come, hopefully sooner rather than later! I'm happy to help in any way I can! Remember that!!
Chin up blogging friend.
Congratulations Hailey to you and your little family! A new baby is so exciting but getting it here can be so hard!
I experienced nausea/throwing up a lot as well and not for the few few months- the whole entire pregnancy (with both children.) My Dr. and I finally came to the conclusion that it was better for me to take an anti-nausea medication than to be what I felt was so emotionally un-available to my family. He prescribed me a medication called Zofran and it literally saved my life. It was SO helpful. You might want to just explore that option with your Dr. by asking how they would feel about giving you something like that to help you feel like a human again.
I agree with everyone else when they say to not feel the least bit guilty about expressing your feelings. You are a GREAT mom and that is why you are feeling guilty about not being there for your kids 100% right now, which is TOTALLY fine. They have depended on you but now it is your time to depend on them. Children adapt to those circumstances very easily and your cute kids would love to "baby" their mommy. :)
I also think there is not one person who knows you or reads your blog that wouldn't love to help you out any way they could so you can get this baby here safe and sound. Whether it be coming and giving your hair a blow out, cleaning up your home, helping with meals, entertaining kids, etc. You help so many people all the time- let other people help you.
Just know EVERYONE is here for you!
Congrats!! I am sorry you are so sick. Ask your doctor about Zofran, it saved me! I did the same as you with my first, but then being sick and pregnant and taking care of another baby about threw me over the edge....Zofran saved me. I will have to be on it again with baby #3. I am just grateful I found that blessed drug! :) Good luck to you Love!
Being sick sucks, I know how you feel. I had to throw up every hour in a public bathroom while I worked 8 hours a day with Audrey. It is awful. I'm so sorry. Please let me come get your kids one day and take them to a museum or something. My kids would enjoy the company. Please let me do this for you! I am so excited for you and I hope everything gets better. Call me if you need to talk to a person who's been there. Cheese always helped me. Weird huh? When can I take your kids? I'll be calling soon.
Your amazing in every way Hailey! And being able to cry just shows the rest of us that you are human.. Pregnancy is hard!! Im 19 weeks and still feeling it.. I know the trials you go through to get pregnant and you do have such amazing kids.. Josh and I are so so happy for you guys. It will go fast!!! Just take one day at a time, Thats all I can tell you.. Im sure you already have, but try and make up a system that works for you.. and take time to REST!!! Now that your pregant you need to slow down a bit woman.. stop being super woman! :) Love you guys..
oh that is so hard. the good news is winter is just around the corner and you won't want to be outside. hang in there and remember every day that goes by is a day closer to having that little baby in your arms! (seriously call me if you need anything. i could take ady and max to a matinee while you sleep!)
Sorry Hay. I was so excited to hear about the new baby, but a little worried because I know how sick you get. I'll come be your nanny/nurse. You'll make it, you always do and you're babies will always know how much their mama loves them. Love and miss you, wish I were closer to help.
seriously... this does not get me excited to have kids. This post and the poop post... Just a good reminder why I should enjoy life right now... JK I am super excited for you! that is great news and hope you get well soon!
hang in there Hay. It is worth it? Just kidding! Love you.
Don't be too hard on yourself. No kid ever died from watching too many movies, so it might be a long winter of days at home, but that's ok. I was a lot more sick with Dane than with Megan and everytime I threw up, I would just tell myself, "you're going to get a baby out of this" over and over again. Let me know if you need me to come get the kids for a day. We'd love to help out!
First off, congrats on #3. Second, I'm sorry you're feeling so awful. Hopefully you can just rely on family and friends to help you through the next little bit. I hope you get feeling better soon and get to enjoy this pregnancy. Take care!
I'm getting caught up on your blog. I didn't realize (from your FB comments) how bad the sickness is for you. I'm so sorry. I completely understand the angst w/ the blessing. I'll be praying for you and your sweet family to get through this...and that 12 weeks will bring a new feeling of health & peace to you.
I'm a "blog" friend and am just getting caught up on your blog. First of all, CONGRATS on #3! The bond between sisters is something so special and wonderful to watch. I'm sure you will enjoy every minute. Second, I hope at this point you are feeling much better, but if not, definitely talk to your doctor about Zofran. I was sick my entire pregnancy with the girls and that magic stuff helped me so much. Just know that there are so many of us who have had our heads in the toliet and wondered why in the world we wished this upon ourselves and yet we love these beautiful children more than anything. Its so difficult to be a mother and not feel guilty all the time, but know you are doing the best you can and that there are many of us out there rooting you on. I hope you had a wonderful Christmas and that you are feeling much better now!
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